Family Decisions

Family is a crucial part of what I consider "life eating". They provide a backbone for everything that you do. They offer support, they add strength, and they carry on your traditions and beliefs after you are gone.

However, one thing you cannot be in a family is ideologically rigid. Even families who share core values will differ on specifics. Everyone has different priorities, everyone has access to different evidence, and everyone filters that evidence through the lens of their unique experiences. A family that cannot bend collapses.

When I met my wife, our diets were very similar. We both ate little meat, little junk food, and preferred what we considered healthy food (whole grains, veggies, low-fat items, etc). They were similar for different reasons, however. My main concern was personal health--environmental and animal ethics were secondary by far. For my wife it was the reverse--animal welfare and the environment came first, and personal health second.

Lately, I have started to shift my opinions on nutrition to a more fat and protein based diet, and have learned of the importance of several compounds difficult to acquire without animal products. On the other hand, my wife has become increasingly concerned with animal welfare, and has reduced her meat intake to the rare piece of fish and is trying to reduce her dairy intake as well.

One key to avoiding conflict is not to get into arguments about who's right and who's wrong. We both have very personal reasons for our priorities--nobody is going to convince the other person. It isn't a logical issue, it's a moral one. Of course, we live in the same house and, for the most part, eat the same foods, so some choices have to be made. I don't need to eat a primarily meat diet, so I don't. She doesn't feel as strongly about dairy as she does meat, so I focus my fat and protein intake on that (when plant products are insufficient). I try to limit my diet, where controversial, to what I deem most nutritionally necessary and she tries to limit her objections to what she deems most inhumane. If we focus only on our higher priorities, a lot of potential conflict is avoided.

Finally, I think the most important thing is to embrace common ground. Neither of us know a lot about sustainability, but we both care about it a great deal. Sustainable food options are more humane, better for the environment, and better contributors to health. If animal products are bought, they should be as local as possible, as natural as possible, and as humanely produced as possible. The same goes for other food products as well.

If our schedule permits, me and the wife are going to take our son to a year round farmer's market that I just discovered here in Chicago. We will never agree on everything (do any two people ever?) but we can grow, and in turn, help our son to grow in our committment to better and more sustainable food for everyone involved.